Failing | Communicating

I consider myself to be a pretty honest communicator, for better or worse. I tell my friends when they're being extra in their relationships, speak up at work if I think an idea isn't good and even tell my dog when she's getting on my nerves. But as we know, honesty isn't always the best policy. It can sometimes lead to hurt feelings and broken relationships.

Over the years I've had to learn when to adjust my communication style -- and when to not communicate at all. Adjusting how I speak to people can be challenging though. While I can appreciate positivity, having too much of it can feel extra and at times, downright dishonest.

No. That girl did not look better with those struggle braids before putting her wig on. It's perfectly fine to just hype the wig and go. No need for a "gorgeous both ways" comment. You're not a hero for calling someone pretty when they were clearly busted and disgusted. And if it didn't look better, offer a suggestion for how it could be. It's often times much more effective to offer truth and kindness over platitudes and Pleasantville-type compliments. The latter is just weird and unnecessary.

Admittedly, as much as I pride myself on my honesty with others, I have to admit that I'm not always honest with myself. About my intentions. About my tone. About my contributions to a discussion or argument. I will sometimes convince myself that I'm doing something for someone else when in reality it's for me. I'll clearly have an attitude but act shocked and appalled when called out on it. And I'll even have sudden memory loss and a desire to quickly end a conversation if I've been bested. For me, self awareness has been the key to being a better communicator and, quite frankly, a better person.

I'll note that all of the above examples have been done both in person and on social media. Depending on my mood I will get sucked into an online feed and before I know it I'm arguing with strangers about a fictitious scenario. Sigh. Major fail. Don't judge me.

The nice part about communication, whether it's sharing an opinion on the internet or having a conversation with a spouse, is that there is literally an opportunity to do better every single day. Said something nasty yesterday? Say something nice today. If it's on the internet, do yourself one better and delete what was said altogether. APOLOGIZE for unkind things and stand by the things you believe were justified. Don't play games with your words and likewise don't allow yourself to be played.

I realize that doing better is easier said than done. And I want to help you fail faster than I have. Look out for specific tips on how to improve your communication and tackle tough conversations.

#fail #failingfast #communication #meangirls